It’s been almost 2 months since my last post.
A lot of things have happened ever since, well, in my head at least.
November will mark my 10th month in Guelph, away from Toronto. I’ve recently been so consumed by my work and business that I find myself missing Toronto more than ever.
While I’ve achieved many great things these past 2 months, I find myself experiencing a whirlwind of negative thoughts about my current position in Life. Am I really doing the thing that’s best for me? Am I really passionate about my work? Do I really belong to this city? Am I worth something better? Why am I not happy? Am I even happy? When will I find the right one to share my happiness with? Am I even ready to find that someone? WHAT IS HAPPENING!? Sigh…
These questions along with a series of others triggered a series of negative emotions that made me feel cornered, eventually leading to slight forms of sadness, lack of appetite, and overall exhaustion :S
It’s easier to dive into the darkness than to emerge into the light, and it takes a lot of courage to believe that there’s light at the end of tunnel, that there’s a way out. Now it may sound like I’m exaggerating because I have many things I should be grateful for (and already am, alhamdulillah). A flexible job, a car, a nice apartment, a side-business, etc.
But I guess the aim of this post is to describe the struggle of a young individual who has great pursuit yet feels he is hitting a wall. Only thing is I am not sure what this wall is?
The things that helped me get back on track: increased faith in myself and in God, reading more books, taking care of my health again (cooking, gym), meeting new people and staying in touch with good friends.
That being said, I can’t deny that there’s also some truth in the following…:
– Perhaps I was feeling let down because the Ahmed that used to take the 3 hour GOtrain ride to Union Station, or the crowded TTC subway ride to Queens Park station, was a happier Ahmed.
– Perhaps I was feeling let down because I really miss those walks I had with a really good friend down Spadina Ave., and I’d do anything to get them back.
– Perhaps I was feeling let down because the CN tower, the monument that is my symbol for hope, inspiration, and hustle isn’t a head-raise away anymore.
tl;dr (too long, didn’t read?):
This post is about a 26 year old grown-a55 dude who has an insane crush on Toronto and is finding any excuse to return. I’ll be back you metropolitan slice of paradise, I’ll be back T.O. (Insha’Allah).